What Is Sage-ing – And What Is Its Impact On My Life
“Sagacity—The quality of being wise or having good judgment gained through experience that is reflected upon.”
Sage-ing, or Conscious eldering is both a way of living ones life both on the practical and philosophical levels. It is a way of life in the sense that I am committed to life long learning and reflection as a way of becoming more present to life, as I gather wisdom from life review. I choose to be in community of elders and share my gifts with my family and the greater community and to be an advocate for the well being of the planet and as an expression of my spiritual growth.
What is wisdom and how is it obtained? Most people would answer the question with references to higher education, degrees and a high IQ. The definition I favor uses the metaphor of the Oyster. This bivalve that seemingly unconsciously takes in and expels salt water for its nutrients forms a pearl around grains of sand, the grit that collects in some but not all Oysters. This grit is like the bumps and pitfalls in our lives often referred to as the grit. I think it is no coincidence at we refer to our learning thru these events as pearls of wisdom. The grit represents the places in our lives that are most difficult, uncomfortable and perhaps the places that feel like failures at the time they happened.
When my first marriage failed at age 39 [I am now 84] I thought I would not survive it. I had so much invested in being the perfect husband and father that this “failure” was too much to bear as I saw it then with the eyes of a mouse. Forty years later as I look at my part in the collapse and acknowledge my shadow influence, that part of me that I would not acknowledge at the time. Gaining that wisdom hopefully will keep me from repeating the same behavior. Beyond that as I look back with the eyes of an eagle [from a distance] I see the events as a positive turning point that has led to the joyous 40 year relationship that ensued.
In our Sage-ing workshops as part of life review exercise we refer to the “Box of Unlived life” a term and image created by Reb Zalman Schachter Shalomi, one that depicts the elder frozen in a confined “box” unwilling to look back to revisit failures, disappointments and regrets and reluctant to look forward out of fear of seeing diminishment of physical and mental capacities. This leaves the elder expending energy on fending off these images and no energy left for the enjoyment of the present. Perhaps youth can carry this load but “the sage must travel light”.
The goal of “No regrets and Less fear and More gratitude is one that can be achieved by embracing the past and the future. The immediate benefit is the creation of space to begin to see myself, what gifts I have to give and what gifts I would like to acquire in order to be of service and bring purpose and passion into my life. Once I look back and see where I “failed” I can also see where I excelled. Where I achieved my goal or a goal that I might not have even been aware of at the time.
In addition to seeing how I might use these gifts in service I also can see them as part of the legacy I will leave for the future generations. Both the gifts and the qualities that helped achieve them. The legacy letter which I have written to my grandchildren speaks of the qualities and values that I feel are paramount to who I am and the way I lived my life. When you think about being remembered even though not physically present it makes death feel less final at least for those that remain. As a conscious elder I can embrace my mortality with a new appreciation of how the transience of life is the engine of it’s meaning.